Friday, April 9, 2010

Feeling Phunky

Yes, I spelt it like Black Eyed Peas would. But the word "funky" always just reminds me of bad smells. Like that smell certain people get when they haven't showered enough and it's not even just BO. It's FUNKness.
Maybe it's PMS.
Maybe it's just a random mood swing type of week.
But I do feel strange. More anxious. More uncertain. And then I switch to positive gleeness. Go figure.

I guess the biggest thing on my mind is Matt heading to Lejeune. And me staying here. At least for a little bit. Ugh, I don't know.  I absolutely cannot decide if I should move down with Matt before his deployment. At first, we thought it would only be like 9 months after he graduated IOC, then deployed, then I'd move down. That way I'd have the job and the support system, since I didnt trust that I'd be able to build a strong enough one with what little time.

Now it seems like he probably wont get deployed for 14 months or so. AKA I would have time to get a job and build the support system I'll need.
BUT. If I go down and get a job, yea we will be paying a lot less rent then what we're doing now, but we'll also have to get a 2nd car. And who knows HOW long it would take to get a job. And tha'll put major stress financially since I'm in so much freaking debt because of student loans and my own stupid credit card spending in college.

GAH. It's so in the middle. And I dont know what to do. And I know that we have the next couple of months to really think hard about it since Matt's going to CA for LAR school anyway, but still, it's eating me up! Go, live with my husband and be happy in love, but possible start having wonderful financial fights and really not being able to afford to do as much as we can now, or stay, have the job and support system and whatnot, but be 6 hours driving away from the hubby. And he'll have the car, so it'll only be when he can come up to visit unless we want to spend MORE money for me to do round-trip flights.

There's my vent. Grr, I hate thinking!!!

No comments: